Lying here with you so close to me. ❤

Last night. I started to miss you. So I had to see you. Only took a week. I guess I need you more than I really want to admit to myself. Or maybe I just enjoy the comfort of knowing someone is there.

Whatever the reason, I needed last night. I needed you. Your arms so warm around me. It's so much easier to sleep with someone beside you. I wish I didn't leave this morning. Sneaked a kiss then snuck out. I know it's not how you want things to start off again. But I ask you to please be patient with me. I'm trying. Please believe that I am trying.

Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at.

And on to the next one...

It's amazing how easily I get bored in a relationship. How badly I long for someone who excites my mind, body, and soul. I miss being able to hold a conversation about almost anything. Just to be able to talk for hours about nothing in particular. It has been so long.

I know you felt me pulling away. You tried to keep me around, but it felt like such a half hearted effort. I told you this wasn't working and you suggested we just needed to get to know each other better. Maybe that's true. That would require both of us to make time for each other, but you don't want to chase after someone who has no intention of being caught and I don't have the patience to wait for you to understand.

I bet we could have been great together. But you remind me of someone, somebody I've almost forgotten. Somebody I've been so eager to forget.

Which just makes me believe that you're the one that I don't want.

My Version of Spring Break.

Monday, March 19 - 10:45 Cajun Steamer / 5:00 Cajun Steamer
Tuesday, March 20 - 10:45 Cajun Steamer / 5:00 Cajun Steamer
Wednesday, March 21 -10:45 Cajun Steamer / 5:00 Cajun Steamer
Thursday, March 22 - 10:45 Cajun Steamer / 5:00 Cajun Steamer
Friday, March 23 - 10:45 Cajun Steamer / 4:00 Cajun Steamer
Saturday, March 24 - Hunger Games movie with the family / 4:00 Cajun Steamer
Sunday, March 25 - 10:45 Cajun Steamer / Off 3:00 Cajun Steamer

12 13 shifts. Over 40 hours. I'm going to be exhausted. Going to buy new shoes tomorrow during my break. Catching up on my DVR right now, then I'm headed to bed. I don't think I'll be able to go see my sweetheart anytime this week... Maybe I'll go stay with him a night or two. Depending on what time I get off work those nights. I'm going to be making some good money. That's what I'm excited about! Found some new songs this past weekend. When I get the time, I'll share them with y'all. Until then.

Crazy weekend.

Friday was payday. Ran around town trying to find things for St. Patrick's Day at work. Such a horrible night at work. Just some people....

Yesterday was crazy. All in all, it was great day. I love where I work and my coworkers. Hung out after work listening to some old school rap and the lonely island. It was great. Drinking our limited edition bud light beer in the special green bottles. It was great after a 13 hour shift.

Now I'm just hanging out at home til it's time to go to my dress fitting for my bride's maid dress. My dad, brother. Uncle, and brother in law are in Puerto Rico for spring break so my mom, sister, niece and I are doing some wedding planning. Today is my day off, so I'm going to try and enjoy it as much as I can. I work 12 shifts next week. It's going to be hell, but it's what I signed up for. Workaholic, at your service.

I just want back in your head.

The past 3 days have felt like they have been dragging on. It makes it worse that I haven't really heard from you in those 3 days either. I don't know what's going on. It sucks more than it hurts, if it even hurts at all...

These three weeks of whatever we are have been nice. I'd hate to see them go, but life can do terrible things sometimes. Now it's the waiting game. A game that I'm not very good at because I usually never play it. I don't wait on guys. Only once. And it didn't turn out well at all. It doesn't help that you're quite similar to him. So much so that it was what attracted me to you in the first place.

You told me that I seem way too guarded. Emotionally damaged, I guess. Maybe I shouldn't be... Maybe I should let down just a little bit. See how this goes. Give it a fighting chance. Because this feels worth it all.

Martini Monday

Zydeco with my favorites.

Along with some 90's music throwback.

God, I love Mondays.

Pardon Me by He is We

i got my eyes set on you, my heart is burning red.
all of my words come out wrong, run circles in my head.

I really should apologize.

My pride keeps getting in the way. I know I messed up. It's my fault it got out, but I needed to talk to someone about it. So I went to someone who knows you better than I do.

You called it off. Whatever 'it' was that was going on between us.

Not even a month later, here you are again. Don't blame me for calling you out on your contradiction. I don't have the patience, energy, and bullshit reserves to play these games with you.

You just don't seem to give a shit about anything. How am I supposed to figure out your intentions, or lack there of, about this. I'll never understand you.

Relationships

“Relationships always started with that heady, swoonish period, where the other person is like some new invention that suddenly solves all life’s worst problems, like losing socks in the dryer or toasting bagels without burning the edges. At this phase, which usually lasts about six weeks max, the other person is perfect. But at six weeks and two days, the cracks begin to show; not real structural damage yet, but little things that niggle and nag. Like the way they always assume you’ll pay for your own movie, just because you did once, or how they use the dashboard of their car as an imaginary keyboard at long stoplights. Once, you might have thought this was cute, or endearing. Now, it annoys you, but not enough to change anything. Come week eight, though, the strain is starting to show. This person is, in fact, human, and here’s where most relationships splinter and die. Because either you can stick around and deal with these problems, or ease out gracefully, knowing that at some point in the not-too-distant future, there will emerge another perfect person, who will fix everything, at least for six weeks.”

"I realize that these are little things. But they all add up to the big picture of my life. And if you don’t get them, then you don’t get me. And if he was ever going to get me, wouldn’t I have been gotten by now?"

When It Happens

Here It Goes.

New blog. This is where I'll post my new writings. My thoughts.

In some attempt to separate them from me.
To detach myself from my own emotions.

So, here it goes.