Friday, December 7, 2012

High Hopes.

I can talk to you about anything.

And I am so in love with this feeling.

It's got to be you.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

i hate you.

i can't help but just feel it.
yet, at the same time, i just want to talk to you.

what the hell is this? what the hell did you do to me?
it was one day. it shouldn't have meant anything.
and you're gone. you're across the country.

i hate you. i hate you. i hate you.
i want you. i miss you.
i hate you.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Secondhand

Secondhand by Cassadee Pope

Every time you show up here again
Hands in your pocket, heart on your sleeve
Tell me all about what you need
Lean in close, but I'll take what I can get

Breathe you in, breathe you in like my first cigarette
Breathe you out, breathe you out, turning off the regret
Don't worry, baby, 'cause it's all my fault
I'll take the part that she doesn't want

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Fox & Hound.

So I start a new part-time job tomorrow at Fox & Hound. :)
I'm pretty excited about it! I get to work with one of my good friends again before she moves to Texas to go live with her new beau. I'm going to miss her!

I've been on an Ed Sheeran kick lately. I just can't stop listening to his music. I love his voice.

Not much has been happening lately. Just a lot of School and Work going on. Hopefully I'll be able to start my Vlog back up again. I miss doing it. I think I'll be able to go to Boston sooner than I thought. With the new job I'm starting, I should be getting a lot more income. I'm very excited about that. I miss Chris and I can't wait to see him again.

Friday, November 2, 2012

You're just a habit that I can't shake.

I'm never going to quit you.

I've tried. I've tried going without talking to you for as long as I can. I made it a week.
I'm just glad you messaged me first.

I hate going a week, let alone a day without talking to you.

You make me happy and I'm not going to deny myself that simple pleasure.

Monday, October 29, 2012

I think I have anger issues.

Almost anything makes me want to take a bat to a TV these days... It's not okay.

I've just been having to deal with extremely immature people who are holding a grudge like their life depends on it...

It's ridiculous and I'm tired of dealing with it. I try to leave the past behind me, but it's like they enjoy throwing it back in my face any chance they get.

Seriously, get over it. You call me the pathetic one, but you're the one who dwells on this the most.

What the hell is your problem. Grow up.

Friday, October 26, 2012

It takes everything in me not to call you.

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you.
Because each time you reach out, there's no reply.
And I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say hello to you and risk another good-bye.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

All Too Well

Maybe we go lost in translation. Maybe I asked for too much.
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece until you tore it all up.
Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

thoughtsonfire. #4

It's stupid, I know, but I can't stop thinking about everything we could be. There's just something about you that keeps you at the front of my mind and on the tip of my tongue.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Taking my head out of the clouds.

bringing myself back down to earth.

Convincing myself that I'm just making this all up in my head. You don't care like I do. You probably never will. You probably don't even realize how head over heels I am for you. Maybe all I need to do is bring it to your attention... But honestly, what good will that do?

Either way, I'm breaking my own heart over this. And honestly, I don't think I'll be able to take it this time.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

I shouldn't be upset.

We're friends. We're just friends. I shouldn't be getting upset about little things between us, but I can't help but feel the way I do. I worry you might try to go back to her just by the way you talk about her. 

I don't know. I did ask what happened. I wanted to know. I guess I just didn't know what I was expecting to find out.

What have I gotten myself into this time around. Reading this over, I feel like a crazy person... Just some girl pining over some boy who doesn't even really notice her.

I don't know. I just need to stop thinking about things. I need my friends to keep me level.

This weekend and next weekend can't come soon enough. I need my best friends... I need them bad.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Maybe I'm just wasting time...

I need to know where I stand with you.
It's killing me not knowing for sure. I hate this. I really do.

Why can't I just ask you? I can talk to you about everything but this. Everything but the things that I really need to know. I'm scared that I just have this whole wonderful story built up in my head and you're over there just not even thinking twice about all of this. I mean, I'm going insane over here...

I just don't know how to bring it up without being blunt about it. And I don't want to ruin anything that's going on between us. Am I feeling this all too soon? Does it even make sense for me to feel the way that I do?

Maybe I'm just going crazy. Let's just chalk it up to that...

That would seem just a bit more believable than you being hopelessly in love with me like I am with you.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Exhausted.

I feel so exhausted... Working, Class, Babysitting, Homework... I need an official day off.

I have barely had any time to myself. I've been able to work out twice a week at least. I need to get back to my regular of 4 times a week. I got a good bit of homework that I need to catch up with and no time to do it. Unless I bring my laptop with me everywhere I go with a WiFi at hand.

I miss playing video games and just being able to relax. Life of a working college student, I guess.

I don't know if I'll get any off time in the next week or two. I asked off my birthday weekend so I'm hoping they at least give me that. I'm going to need it. Spend some time with my friends and family. That would be so nice.

Maybe I'll go get a tattoo... I've been thinking about it. Getting either one of my wrists done. I just don't know which one yet.

I just need to get my life organized. That would be nice... Isn't there an App for that?

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

You can find the button/link on the side of my page by my description! You can follow me if you want. :) That would be lovely!

Friday, September 21, 2012

Gamer vs. Nerd

I get asked this question a lot. Do I see myself more as a Gamer or a Nerd girl?

Honestly, I more nerd than just gamer. I LOVE video games. Probably more than a girl should, but I have so many other interest that fall into the nerd category. Being a Gamer just adds fuel to the fire.

It's something I'm proud of. Something that makes me who I am. I honestly wouldn't be able to imagine how my life would have been if I didn't grow up with the nerdy lifestyle that I have.

My life would probably be very boring without it.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

"friends"

I miss you. Almost every single hour of the day, I miss you. I hate going days without talking to you. It's just no good. I need to head up north. I need to get to where you are. I need to see you and see where we can take this. I don't want it to be another year going by without me being able to see you again. I know I've been distant lately. I'm sorry for that. I just need to figure this out. What this feeling is.

What do I really feel when it comes to you?

And is there even one hour out of the day that you sit back and think of me?

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

What could it hurt?

That's what I keep asking myself. What could it hurt?

He leaves at the end of the month to move up north. So me spending time with him... What could it hurt? I don't think his friends know. I'm fine with that. They don't like me very much, if they even care at all. But that's just what I want to know... What could it hurt?

Friday, September 14, 2012

Burn Out.

It's a lot harder to find Burnout Tees than I want it to be... Kind of ridiculous if you ask me... But I'm determined to get almost every color in existence in the V-necks... I just love the look and feel of the shirt! Wishing myself luck. I wouldn't mind if you would to.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Bad day.

Whenever I have a bad day, I just want to text you and tell you in hopes that you will make me feel better. But I don't want to put that burden on you. I'm not going to make that your responsibility in my mind. I don't want to put a bad dent in your day. If you're having a great day, even just a mediocre good one, I don't want to be the reason it can go on a slight downfall. I shouldn't be this paranoid for wanting to talk to you.
I worry that I bother you sometimes. I hate when I get that feeling. Because that's the last thing that I want to do. I just hold you so highly, which I probably shouldn't do. I just can't help it. I care about you.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

thoughtsonfire. #3

I didn't know if it was an apology or an excuse or some sort of confession. Maybe it was supposed to hurt, or maybe it was supposed to make things easier. But I guess it doesn't matter what it was, because you said it in past tense. "I loved you."

Friday, September 7, 2012

I think I'm in love with you.

And I hate you for it.

I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.

I love you...

Monday, August 27, 2012

I must confess.

I wish I could talk to you every night before I fall asleep. Long distance sucks... I know unless otherwise stated that we're just friends. Good friends. But it doesn't change the fact that I need you so much closer.

4th Grade Rats.

Yesterday was one of my best friend since 4th grade's 21st birthday. There's three of us: Anna, Ashley and I. We're now all 21! We treated Ashley to brunch yesterday before she headed back to Auburn. I miss those girls. It sucks when we all live in different cities majority of the year. Ashley in Auburn, Anna in Tuscaloosa, and then I'm here in Birmingham. Those girls mean the world to me. Love them to death. I don't know where I'd be without them.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Back to School

Yesterday was the start of the Fall Semester. I'm so happy to be a student again. Taking a whole semester off was miserable. I've been trying to do some course work this morning, but my niece has me so distracted. That little monkey has me wrapped around her little finger. Have to work tonight and I'm not really excited about it. Life. I'll get over it.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

My heart, your hands.

Talked to Chris on the way home from the bar tonight. I didn't want to fall asleep. How I feel about that man... I don't know if I will ever be able to tell him.

He's something else. Something amazing.

I don't want to ever imagine my life without him.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Fall Semester.

Classes start back up on Monday. I'm so ready for his semester. Excited about it. Something to take my mind off of things. I might even be starting a new job. I don't know yet. Hopefully. My fingers are crossed.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

White Horse.

Baby, I was naive, got lost in your eyes... I never really had a chance.

so fresh and floaty!

One of those days...

The only thing I've been doing today is sitting in my ex boyfriend's t-shirt, sweat pants, drinking hot tea, and watching Grey's Anatomy. It's one of those days. One of those afternoons. I don't have to be at work until 5 tonight.

I was supposed to go thrifting and consignment shopping today with my friend Amanda E. but I needed a 'me' day. I had a date last night. It was nice. Great even. The guy was a gentleman. A sweetheart. He's meeting me for Coffee tomorrow before class. I think this one is going to be a good one. I don't know what I want out of this though. I'm taking it slow.

I'm just second guessing things. Like I always do. I worry it's because I already have an idea of what I want and who I want it with. I want to be up North. That's the main thing. Where I want to settle down. And whether it's with the guy I want to enjoy it with or not... Well, I'll deal with that when I get to it.

Monday, August 13, 2012

thoughtsonfire. #2

"But I will soon forget the colour of your eyes, and you will forget mine."

but really though

my love life will never be satisfactory until someone runs through an airport to stop me from getting on a flight.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

I read into things #4

Sometimes, the strongest contracts between people are not written down, and sometimes aren’t even said. They are just understood by both parties.

All those fairytales are full of shit...

Today took forever to get through. I think this was the first Friday that I've hated... Shit just sucks. It's so shitty how one piece of news can just ruin your day and the next few that follow. I know I'll be okay. I'm just not right now. And that's the feeling I'm currently living with. I just can't believe how big of a shitty person you turned out to be. The fucking audacity of some people. I mean, what the hell?

I still just can't wrap my head around this. It's just too fucking ridiculous... I don't know. I just can't. Ugh. The way my life plays out sometimes. Seriously. Romantic Comedy that everyone finds so fucking hilarious except for me. Whatever. On to the next one. Well, whenever I decide to start dating again anyways. I'm just going to focus on work and school this semester. Maybe next semester. Maybe.

I just need to hurry up and get my ass up to Boston.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Shit day.

Thank God my friends are bartenders. Drinking away this day. Then slugging through a double tomorrow. Shit just freaking sucks.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

New cut, new style.

So I got my hair cut today. It feels so much healthier. I love it. My internet is still down at home so I'm using the tethering option on my phone to update from my laptop. It makes facebook and tumblr go quite slow, so I'm just going to update this Blog from it. Hopefully it will be fixed tomorrow. I'm starting to get very annoyed with Charter... But there's not really much that I can do. I need to go to Wal-mart and buy a big calendar to hang up on my wall. Honestly, I think it would help me blog more if I wrote out and had a visual reminder telling me to. Ha, how bad is that? Oh well.

I work Doubles the next three days, so I'm going to try to Blog as much as I can. It might just be quotes or pictures, but I at least need to post something.

I need to edit last week's Vlog and upload it... I guess I'll do that the rest of tonight and tomorrow while I'm on break. Hopefully I'll be able to upload it tomorrow or Friday. I think I'll also add a widget or starting posting my videos up on here soon. I need to find a better looking theme or layout though. Something that fits more to the style or mood. I don't know. I'm just rambling now.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

No Internet...

So the internet at my house went out on Sunday... Which makes it quite difficult to blog...

I have been forced to update with my phone which is quite annoying. Hopefully it will be fixed tomorrow morning. I'll be able to blog when I get off work. Hopefully before I go get my hair cut by Micah. I'm kind of nervous about that. Micah always does a good job, but since I'm not quite sure what I want my hair to look like, I don't know how it's going to turn out. I trust her and she always knows what to do with my hair. I'll just put all my faith in her hands. Haha. She's never let me down before. I haven't gotten my hair cut in over a year. So this is way past due. I also need to recolor my hair, but we'll save that for a later date.


On a different note; I'm kind of hoping that with all the things that have been going on in my love life, it will inspire me to start writing again. I've been suffering through a horrible phase of writer's block that I can't get out of. I hate it. I just can't put down in to words all the shit that's going on in my head. Harder for me to even talk about it with the people closes to me. I hate it so much.

I didn't spend the last two days with J like I said I was going to. Need some time to think, which I still didn't do. I spent majority of the time trying to find things to keep my mind off of the subject. Went to Wal-mart to look for new book shelves and other organizing materials for my room. Played some video games, read about two different books, and went running for a good 2 hours. I just don't know what to do. Do I really want this again? Or am I just trying to fight off being lonely for as long as possible? I haven't told C about this yet. I haven't talked to him since this past Saturday actually. That's not anything he finds unusual, though. He's used to going days without hearing from me. I just don't really know if this is something I should bring up. I don't know if this something he would care about hearing or knowing. I just don't know.

Hello August.

So I'm going to try something new this month. 
Every day I'm going to blog something... At least two posts a day.
I need to get better with this whole blogging thing. 

I also need to get better with Vlogging, too...

Anyways, on to what's going on in my life...

J called me Saturday when I got off work. Said he missed me and wanted to see me. I couldn't deny the fact that I missed him too. So I went over to hang out with him and his old roommate ate his old apartment. It was nice seeing him again after a month apart from each other. I don't know where this is going to go this time. I told him I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to do this again. He said we should try, but I don't know. I still have C on the mind. I'm never going to get C out of my heart and mind. He's always going to be there because I want him to be there. He's the one I want to try with. Lord knows if I will ever tell him that... I just need to get up North. Need to try things out.

Because J makes me want to stay here. But I'm not looking for a reason to stay. North is where I want to be.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Nerd problems.

I often wonder if the Time Turner necklace was around when Voldemort killed the Potters… And if so, why noone thought about using it to save them…

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I cannot stress this enough...

“I honestly couldn’t care less if you like the same bands or you’ve read the same books. Tell me one original thing. One true, real thing that I’ve never heard before that will bring me to my fucking knees, and I’m yours.”

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

I want to be everything you didn't know you were looking for.

Friday, July 13, 2012

thoughtsonfire #1

I still remember the first time he held my hand. It was at night and we were the last two left. He did it without asking; before I could even process it, the fingers of his right hand found their way between the fingers of my left. They were so much stronger and tougher than mine. We sat there in comfortable silence for a bit, the sides of our thighs touching and the smell of a night’s worth of alcohol on his breath. I remember wondering if it meant anything.
It didn’t.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

An absolute favorite.


The Girl - City and Colour

When you cry a piece of my heart dies knowing I may have been the cause.
If you were to leave, fulfill someone else's dreams. I think I might totally be lost.

You don't ask for no diamond rings, no delicate string of pearls.
That's why I wrote this song to sing for my beautiful girl

Friday, June 22, 2012

Endless Summer.

The rest of this Summer is going to be awesome. Especially this weekend. So much planned already and planning so much more as well. I've been planning so much with my friends and hopefully will have a lot to Vlog about. I'm also hoping this will help me keep track of everything... I'm horrible at keeping track of my date book...

Friday June 22 - Work @ 1030 / Work @ 500 / Night out
Saturday June 23 - Movie with Dad and Sister/ Cooking for Couples Shower/ Amanda S. Bachelorette Party
Sunday June 24 - Nick and Amanda's Couples Party
Monday June 25
Tuesday June 26
Wednesday June 27 - Work @ 1030
Thursday June 28 - Work @ 1030 / Girl's night with Anna
Friday June 29 - Work @ 1030 / Work @ 500 / Night out
Saturday June 30 - Work @ 530 / Fuego or Tin Roof
Sunday July 1
Monday July 2
Tuesday July 3
Wednesday July 4 - Fourth of July Party at Anna's
Thursday July 26 - Warped Tour with Anna and Layken

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

remembering.

I will remember your small room, the feel of you, the light in the window, your records, your books, our morning coffee, our noons, our nights, our bodies spilled together, sleeping, the tiny flowing currents, immediate and forever. Your leg, my leg, your arm, my arm, your smile and the warmth of you who made me laugh again.

Charles Bukowski

Friday, June 15, 2012

Love is in the air.

So my friends Amanda S. and Nick are getting married on the 29th. It's going to be a small family wedding, so my friends and I are throwing a Couples Shower for them the Sunday before.

Amanda E. has asked me to help her with the finger foods and desserts. I'm so excited! It's been so long since I've been able to do something like this! I used to cook hundreds of cupcakes for my friends' parties at my old job! This is going to be so exciting.

I've already found a good amount of recipes that I'm going to send to Amanda. She's going to pick a few of them and then we're going to put together a grocery list.

I might paint Amanda a cute little Wall Decoration. :) Oh, I love weddings. This is going to be so fun!

Monday, June 11, 2012

Instant Monday




























(1) Homemade Frozen Butter Beer
(2) Never growing up
(3) My dad with our Gryffindor Umbrella
(4) Ready for work. New sunglasses
(5) Jimmy John's and Beer
(6) My new favorite poison

One Step at a Time.

So I introduced you to one of my best friends Friday night... I was unbelievably stressed about it.
Out of all of my friends, she's one of the two girls who's opinion on who I date matters the most to me.

So far you're in the gold, but with some of the stupid shit that I've been dealing with lately, you might not be there for long. That conversation we had... Why did you have to bring that up? Asking me my thoughts. Where I saw this going. Where this is on my priority list. Aren't those questions that I'm supposed to be asking you? Isn't that the general roles in relationships. I guess you've learned by now that my relationships are anything but typical. I didn't get to see you Saturday or tonight. That's fine. I need a little break from you after that conversation. Although, you have my ID and I kind of need that... So I guess I'll take you up on your lunch date offer. I'm just going to hope that you don't try to start where we left off Friday night. I still don't have answers for you. Or at least the ones that you're wanting to hear.

Honestly, I much rather hear the answers from you. Where do I stand with you? Where am I on your priority list? And please tell me, why have you been fighting so hard to keep me around?

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Let's Be Honest.

"I don’t have time to play games. I’m not going to sit and wait for three days for you to call me if you got my number. I’m not gonna fuckin’ make you like me by making you chase me. I’m not gonna do that shit. Like, I like you, you like me, let’s go."

Monday, June 4, 2012

Instant Monday

 

(1) Things I Like about Coffee/Things I like about you
(2) Long Curls Hairstyle for Audra's Wedding
(3) Hogwarts School at the WWOHP
(4) Princess, a Great Dane puppy
(5) 4 AM Waffle House feast with Anna
(6) My niece. Every heart will melt.

Hand to God, I thought I loved you.

And here we go again.

You think, by now, I would be used to the fickle nature of my heart and mind.
I just can't seem to let you go. Just as much as I don't want to keep you around.
I was hoping I'd figure it out by now, but of course not. My life isn't that easy.

I don't even think any of it is phasing you. It's like you're oblivious to the fact that I can't decide if I want you here or not. Which is fine with me, I guess. As far as I can tell, you're just going through your days believing I'm as happy in this relationship as you are. I guess I'll bring you down slowly. That's if I ever figure out if I want to.

I think what it is that's got me so confused is the fact that I keep talking to that one guy that I never really got the chance to be with. We're just such great friends and we have so much in common. We understand each other and it's so nice.

Don't get me wrong. I am happy. I'm as happy as someone like me can get. I'm happy here with you, but I can't help but think about being happy somewhere else.

Fell In Love Without You (acoustic)


Last night I fell in love with out you.
The stars at night aren't as big and bright
As you make them out to be.

Friday, May 18, 2012

I read into things. #3

"I feel insane frequently because I cannot distinguish between reality and imagination; which makes me a good writer in theory and a complete fuck up in practice. "

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Rumor has it he's the one I'm leaving you for.

I need to learn how to go with my gut feeling.

I knew from the start. You are the one that I don't want.

You're too much of a reminder. Too much into my comfort zone.
I can't keep doing this to myself anymore. I'm leaving and I'm finding
something better.

Something that I really want. Someone who excites my mind, body, and soul.

I just can't hold a conversation with you... And I can't get past that. There's only so much a handsome face and amazing body will do for me.

Monday, April 23, 2012

I guess I'll be honest, I could use you around.

At the rate your growing on me, I'll be head over heels in no time.

This past weekend was the best. I needed it and it was good to me.

I love the nights I get to spend with you and the mornings that follow. The comfort of your company and the warmth from your kiss. It's exactly what I need at the end of a hectic week. You know I'm a fickle mind and a hesitant heart, but here you are, waiting patiently. You make me want to stay and I'm fighting ever doubting thought I have. I need to find a constant.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

I could say by Lily Allen


I could say that I'll always be here for you,
but that would be a lie and quite a pointless thing to do.
I could say that I'll always have feelings for you,

but I've got a life ahead of me and I'm only 22.

Vlogger Problems.

My main issue right now is finding time to put this Vlog together.
A lot of this Vlog has something to do with a way for my distant family to keep up with my life.

Also to show how slightly mental my friends are.

I have at least 3 months worth of videos that I need to put in my vlog, but with the way I want it setup makes it kind of hard for me to do... I'll figure it out at some point.

Meanwhile, I've been writing a good bit. Once I find time to type it all out and post it on here I will. I need a vacation from work. That would be amazing and I would be able to catch up on so much. Just please stay patient with me. I'm trying to update this thing as much as possible.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Song of the week

Captivating Me - States

You're really getting into my head now and I can see
That you're taking over and, oh, you're captivating me.

April 16 - April 22

My Schedule this week.

Monday, April 16 - Work @ 10:30 / Babysit Natalie at 3:30
Tuesday, April 17 -Work @ 10:30 / Off
Wednesday, April 18 - Work @ 10:30 / Work @ 5:00
Thursday, April 19 - Work @ 10:30 / Work @ 5:00
Friday, April 20 - Work @10:30 / Work @ 4:00
Saturday, April 21 - Off / Work @ 4:00
Sunday, April 22 - Work @ 10:30 / Off

Almost similar to my schedule last week. So I apologize for not blogging as much as I said I would. I've posted on my Tumblr a good bit. You could always keep up with me on that as well.

I think I'm mainly going to use this blog for my writing and what not. Taking my thoughts and finding some way to put them in writing. In some sort of creative and beautiful fashion, that is.

I don't even really care if people read this. It's mainly to keep me from going insane.
If I haven't already.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

I read into things. #2

Dear self, get over it.

At random times, I still can't help but think that you should have been mine. It's only when other people bring you up to me.

The other night didn't help with that at all... Why do you have to randomly come out of the blue and ruin things for me? Just go away. You want me to so badly be out of your life completely, then let me go. I'm trying so hard to leave you behind, but you won't let go of your grasp on me.

I don't want to think about you anymore.

Monday, April 2, 2012

I read into things. #1

www.ireadintothings.tumblr.com or www.gloryszabo.com

If you haven't heard of this website, you should probably check it out. Her writing is amazing and I'm pretty sure that she writes about my life half the time.
I'm going to start sharing some of her writing on here for y'all. Probably post one song a week that I've been listening to repeatedly. I'm not sure. Something to brighten this blog up. Not focus it mostly on my love life. Well, I'll try anyways. I'll probably post the videos my friends and I have been recording once I get them edited. Have to find time for that first.

And at some point, I will connect this with my Tumblr, Twitter, and Instagram. Probably when I hit around 20 or 30 post. I don't know. I guess we'll just see.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Lying here with you so close to me. ❤

Last night. I started to miss you. So I had to see you. Only took a week. I guess I need you more than I really want to admit to myself. Or maybe I just enjoy the comfort of knowing someone is there.

Whatever the reason, I needed last night. I needed you. Your arms so warm around me. It's so much easier to sleep with someone beside you. I wish I didn't leave this morning. Sneaked a kiss then snuck out. I know it's not how you want things to start off again. But I ask you to please be patient with me. I'm trying. Please believe that I am trying.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at.

And on to the next one...

It's amazing how easily I get bored in a relationship. How badly I long for someone who excites my mind, body, and soul. I miss being able to hold a conversation about almost anything. Just to be able to talk for hours about nothing in particular. It has been so long.

I know you felt me pulling away. You tried to keep me around, but it felt like such a half hearted effort. I told you this wasn't working and you suggested we just needed to get to know each other better. Maybe that's true. That would require both of us to make time for each other, but you don't want to chase after someone who has no intention of being caught and I don't have the patience to wait for you to understand.

I bet we could have been great together. But you remind me of someone, somebody I've almost forgotten. Somebody I've been so eager to forget.

Which just makes me believe that you're the one that I don't want.

Monday, March 19, 2012

My Version of Spring Break.

Monday, March 19 - 10:45 Cajun Steamer / 5:00 Cajun Steamer
Tuesday, March 20 - 10:45 Cajun Steamer / 5:00 Cajun Steamer
Wednesday, March 21 -10:45 Cajun Steamer / 5:00 Cajun Steamer
Thursday, March 22 - 10:45 Cajun Steamer / 5:00 Cajun Steamer
Friday, March 23 - 10:45 Cajun Steamer / 4:00 Cajun Steamer
Saturday, March 24 - Hunger Games movie with the family / 4:00 Cajun Steamer
Sunday, March 25 - 10:45 Cajun Steamer / Off 3:00 Cajun Steamer

12 13 shifts. Over 40 hours. I'm going to be exhausted. Going to buy new shoes tomorrow during my break. Catching up on my DVR right now, then I'm headed to bed. I don't think I'll be able to go see my sweetheart anytime this week... Maybe I'll go stay with him a night or two. Depending on what time I get off work those nights. I'm going to be making some good money. That's what I'm excited about! Found some new songs this past weekend. When I get the time, I'll share them with y'all. Until then.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Crazy weekend.

Friday was payday. Ran around town trying to find things for St. Patrick's Day at work. Such a horrible night at work. Just some people....

Yesterday was crazy. All in all, it was great day. I love where I work and my coworkers. Hung out after work listening to some old school rap and the lonely island. It was great. Drinking our limited edition bud light beer in the special green bottles. It was great after a 13 hour shift.

Now I'm just hanging out at home til it's time to go to my dress fitting for my bride's maid dress. My dad, brother. Uncle, and brother in law are in Puerto Rico for spring break so my mom, sister, niece and I are doing some wedding planning. Today is my day off, so I'm going to try and enjoy it as much as I can. I work 12 shifts next week. It's going to be hell, but it's what I signed up for. Workaholic, at your service.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I just want back in your head.

The past 3 days have felt like they have been dragging on. It makes it worse that I haven't really heard from you in those 3 days either. I don't know what's going on. It sucks more than it hurts, if it even hurts at all...

These three weeks of whatever we are have been nice. I'd hate to see them go, but life can do terrible things sometimes. Now it's the waiting game. A game that I'm not very good at because I usually never play it. I don't wait on guys. Only once. And it didn't turn out well at all. It doesn't help that you're quite similar to him. So much so that it was what attracted me to you in the first place.

You told me that I seem way too guarded. Emotionally damaged, I guess. Maybe I shouldn't be... Maybe I should let down just a little bit. See how this goes. Give it a fighting chance. Because this feels worth it all.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Martini Monday

Zydeco with my favorites.

Along with some 90's music throwback.

God, I love Mondays.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Pardon Me by He is We





i got my eyes set on you, my heart is burning red.
all of my words come out wrong, run circles in my head.

I really should apologize.

My pride keeps getting in the way. I know I messed up. It's my fault it got out, but I needed to talk to someone about it. So I went to someone who knows you better than I do.

You called it off. Whatever 'it' was that was going on between us.

Not even a month later, here you are again. Don't blame me for calling you out on your contradiction. I don't have the patience, energy, and bullshit reserves to play these games with you.

You just don't seem to give a shit about anything. How am I supposed to figure out your intentions, or lack there of, about this. I'll never understand you.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Relationships

“Relationships always started with that heady, swoonish period, where the other person is like some new invention that suddenly solves all life’s worst problems, like losing socks in the dryer or toasting bagels without burning the edges. At this phase, which usually lasts about six weeks max, the other person is perfect. But at six weeks and two days, the cracks begin to show; not real structural damage yet, but little things that niggle and nag. Like the way they always assume you’ll pay for your own movie, just because you did once, or how they use the dashboard of their car as an imaginary keyboard at long stoplights. Once, you might have thought this was cute, or endearing. Now, it annoys you, but not enough to change anything. Come week eight, though, the strain is starting to show. This person is, in fact, human, and here’s where most relationships splinter and die. Because either you can stick around and deal with these problems, or ease out gracefully, knowing that at some point in the not-too-distant future, there will emerge another perfect person, who will fix everything, at least for six weeks.”

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

"I realize that these are little things. But they all add up to the big picture of my life. And if you don’t get them, then you don’t get me. And if he was ever going to get me, wouldn’t I have been gotten by now?"

When It Happens

Here It Goes.

New blog. This is where I'll post my new writings. My thoughts.

In some attempt to separate them from me.
To detach myself from my own emotions.

So, here it goes.