We made quite a mess, babe.

I bet this time of night you’re still up.
I bet you’re tired from a long hard week.
I bet you’re sitting in your chair by the window, looking out at the city,
and I bet sometimes you’re thinking about me.

Oops.

Well, it's been a minute since I've updated this...
My bad... I promise I'll get better at it.

A lot has just been going on.
I've been writing again though.

All that will be posted later.

2012

I spent way too much of 2012 dealing with an asshole who didn't care a damn thing about me.

Here's to 2013, hoping I get my shit together.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve.

When did you get here you sneaky mother fu....

High Hopes.

I can talk to you about anything.

And I am so in love with this feeling.

It's got to be you.

i hate you.

i can't help but just feel it.
yet, at the same time, i just want to talk to you.

what the hell is this? what the hell did you do to me?
it was one day. it shouldn't have meant anything.
and you're gone. you're across the country.

i hate you. i hate you. i hate you.
i want you. i miss you.
i hate you.

Secondhand

Secondhand by Cassadee Pope

Every time you show up here again
Hands in your pocket, heart on your sleeve
Tell me all about what you need
Lean in close, but I'll take what I can get

Breathe you in, breathe you in like my first cigarette
Breathe you out, breathe you out, turning off the regret
Don't worry, baby, 'cause it's all my fault
I'll take the part that she doesn't want

Fox & Hound.

So I start a new part-time job tomorrow at Fox & Hound. :)
I'm pretty excited about it! I get to work with one of my good friends again before she moves to Texas to go live with her new beau. I'm going to miss her!

I've been on an Ed Sheeran kick lately. I just can't stop listening to his music. I love his voice.

Not much has been happening lately. Just a lot of School and Work going on. Hopefully I'll be able to start my Vlog back up again. I miss doing it. I think I'll be able to go to Boston sooner than I thought. With the new job I'm starting, I should be getting a lot more income. I'm very excited about that. I miss Chris and I can't wait to see him again.

People suck.

Yep, that's about it for today...

You're just a habit that I can't shake.

I'm never going to quit you.

I've tried. I've tried going without talking to you for as long as I can. I made it a week.
I'm just glad you messaged me first.

I hate going a week, let alone a day without talking to you.

You make me happy and I'm not going to deny myself that simple pleasure.

I think I have anger issues.

Almost anything makes me want to take a bat to a TV these days... It's not okay.

I've just been having to deal with extremely immature people who are holding a grudge like their life depends on it...

It's ridiculous and I'm tired of dealing with it. I try to leave the past behind me, but it's like they enjoy throwing it back in my face any chance they get.

Seriously, get over it. You call me the pathetic one, but you're the one who dwells on this the most.

What the hell is your problem. Grow up.

It takes everything in me not to call you.

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you.
Because each time you reach out, there's no reply.
And I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say hello to you and risk another good-bye.

All Too Well

Maybe we go lost in translation. Maybe I asked for too much.
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece until you tore it all up.
Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well.

thoughtsonfire. #4

It's stupid, I know, but I can't stop thinking about everything we could be. There's just something about you that keeps you at the front of my mind and on the tip of my tongue.

Taking my head out of the clouds.

bringing myself back down to earth.

Convincing myself that I'm just making this all up in my head. You don't care like I do. You probably never will. You probably don't even realize how head over heels I am for you. Maybe all I need to do is bring it to your attention... But honestly, what good will that do?

Either way, I'm breaking my own heart over this. And honestly, I don't think I'll be able to take it this time.

I shouldn't be upset.

We're friends. We're just friends. I shouldn't be getting upset about little things between us, but I can't help but feel the way I do. I worry you might try to go back to her just by the way you talk about her. 

I don't know. I did ask what happened. I wanted to know. I guess I just didn't know what I was expecting to find out.

What have I gotten myself into this time around. Reading this over, I feel like a crazy person... Just some girl pining over some boy who doesn't even really notice her.

I don't know. I just need to stop thinking about things. I need my friends to keep me level.

This weekend and next weekend can't come soon enough. I need my best friends... I need them bad.

Maybe I'm just wasting time...

I need to know where I stand with you.
It's killing me not knowing for sure. I hate this. I really do.

Why can't I just ask you? I can talk to you about everything but this. Everything but the things that I really need to know. I'm scared that I just have this whole wonderful story built up in my head and you're over there just not even thinking twice about all of this. I mean, I'm going insane over here...

I just don't know how to bring it up without being blunt about it. And I don't want to ruin anything that's going on between us. Am I feeling this all too soon? Does it even make sense for me to feel the way that I do?

Maybe I'm just going crazy. Let's just chalk it up to that...

That would seem just a bit more believable than you being hopelessly in love with me like I am with you.

Exhausted.

I feel so exhausted... Working, Class, Babysitting, Homework... I need an official day off.

I have barely had any time to myself. I've been able to work out twice a week at least. I need to get back to my regular of 4 times a week. I got a good bit of homework that I need to catch up with and no time to do it. Unless I bring my laptop with me everywhere I go with a WiFi at hand.

I miss playing video games and just being able to relax. Life of a working college student, I guess.

I don't know if I'll get any off time in the next week or two. I asked off my birthday weekend so I'm hoping they at least give me that. I'm going to need it. Spend some time with my friends and family. That would be so nice.

Maybe I'll go get a tattoo... I've been thinking about it. Getting either one of my wrists done. I just don't know which one yet.

I just need to get my life organized. That would be nice... Isn't there an App for that?

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Gamer vs. Nerd

I get asked this question a lot. Do I see myself more as a Gamer or a Nerd girl?

Honestly, I more nerd than just gamer. I LOVE video games. Probably more than a girl should, but I have so many other interest that fall into the nerd category. Being a Gamer just adds fuel to the fire.

It's something I'm proud of. Something that makes me who I am. I honestly wouldn't be able to imagine how my life would have been if I didn't grow up with the nerdy lifestyle that I have.

My life would probably be very boring without it.